Things I can’t believe I’ve said to my daughters:
- No, honey, there’s always only been three fish in the fishtank.
- Ouch. Don’t worry, it’s okay - you’ve got plenty of blood.
- Hit Daddy in the nads again, and I’ll chain you to a pipe in the crawlspace.
- Br- uh, Cel- uh, Mad- uh, whoever you are, clean that mess up.
- Which one of you flushed a size 4t dress shoe?
- You - why is your foot wet?
- *munch*munch* no sweetie, nere’s no cookies neft. *munch*
- Let’s see… hmmm… nope, sorry, Kipper’s not on right now… but Look! There’s a cool football game!! Wanna watch it instead?
- Get out of your carseat again, and Daddy gets his duct tape out.
- Yes, you’ll love it. I put sugar in it.
- All boys secrete poison. Your mom and I will give you the antidote on the day of your wedding.
- Wow! That is such a great picture of the rabbit! Mommy? Yeah, it’s a great picture of Mommy!
- What’s your mom’s cell phone number again?
- What’s my cell phone number again?
- C’mere and pull my finger.
- I SAID…leave the baby’s eyes alone. They have to stay inside her head.
- No, you CAN’T pee standing up like da - hey, now, I said you ca - stopstopSTOP—aaah, crap. Told you. Now clean that up.
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I CAN!