THIS JUST IN:

Hey, it turns out there IS lightning on Uranus, after all.

Now this is an exciting story to tell the grandchildren. I don’t have stories like that. I’m not what you call the “exciting type.” Unless you count when I take my shirt off & jump on my moped and ride full-speed through the nearest cornfield, cackling like the Joker on nitrous oxide while letting the stalks whap-whap-whap my tender flesh into blissful contusive glory. But hey - everyone needs his “me time,” even if it’s kinda unexciting.

But I’d still rather risk the cavities, is all I’m saying.

…and it burns, burns, burns…the ring of fi-yah