Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Things I can’t believe I’ve said to my daughters:

• No, honey, there’s always only been three fish in the fishtank.
• Ouch. Don’t worry, it’s okay – you’ve got plenty of blood.
• Hit Daddy in the nads again, and I’ll chain you to a pipe in the crawlspace.
• Br- uh, Cel- uh, Mad- uh, whoever you are, clean that mess up.
• Which one of you flushed a size 4t dress shoe?
• You – why is your foot wet?
• *munch*munch* no sweetie, nere’s no cookies neft. *munch*
• Let’s see… hmmm… nope, sorry, Kipper’s not on right now… but Look! There’s a cool football game!! Wanna watch it instead?
• Get out of your carseat again, and Daddy gets his duct tape out.
• Yes, you’ll love it. I put sugar in it.
• All boys secrete poison. Your mom and I will give you the antidote on the day of your wedding.
• Wow! That is such a great picture of the rabbit! Mommy? Yeah, it’s a great picture of Mommy!
• What’s your mom’s cell phone number again?
• What’s my cell phone number again?
• C’mere and pull my finger.
• I SAID…leave the baby’s eyes alone. They have to stay inside her head.
• No, you CAN’T pee standing up like da – hey, now, I said you ca – stopstopSTOP—aaah, crap. Told you. Now clean that up.

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